I did it again. Back at that crossroads where I feel like every next decision is going to make or break the rest of my life.
I left the Woodwind winter maintenance job on Saturday, with regret. I've worked there now for the past three years, on and off, and I credit my current aspirations to what I've learned there over that time. But for whatever reason, my brain raced every evening as I froze my ass off in the cabin of my boat trying to sleep, and I realized that just wasn't it.
So what is it? I'm getting closer to figuring that out, I hope. I'm stuck between doing exactly what I want to do and doing something that might be good for my so-called 'career.' If I could do anything right now, I'd return to Sweden and figure it all out from there. Instead, I feel stuck, obligated to so many people, so many friends and family.
I always said that if I didn't have the family that I have I'd be off on some adventure like that dude from 'Into the Wild' - just hopefully not dead. But because of, not in spite of my family, I've had the opportunities to see a lot of the world while being able to return to people who care about me and my well-being. It's a double-edged sword really. It's almost too easy to come home. And it's too difficult to leave. But I'd never give that up either. Can I have both?
Tomorrow starts the countdown of my final two weeks working for Woodwind, maybe forever. I will always return to Annapolis, that's for sure. But in two weeks, I'm off again, for bigger and better adventure, to save my soul, to find myself...?
I've got one option already. I had an interview today for an adventure travel company in Hong Kong, to lead a program for kids for six weeks starting in February. It's a short contract, I fit the bill for instructor pretty ideally, and it's a chance to see a part of the world I may have otherwise never even considered. Then there's the dozen or so TEFL jobs I've applied for in the past two days...waiting to hear about what happens with that.
The crossroads I'm at is whether I want to have a 'career' in something, or whether I want to continue trying to figure out how to pay for myself while doing what I really want to do. I went to Prague last year to get that TEFL certificate, and I excelled at it. I liked it. The reason I went there in the first place was because I wanted to sail around the world and teach as I went. Why am I suddenly abandoning that? Forget the idea of crewing on a yacht, I learned long ago at the country club that I don't like kissing ass to rich people. All of my heroes I continue to read about have written not about their 'careers', but about their passions. Why can't I do the same?
I think I will...