My mood changes like the wind, and tonight it's blowing fair astern, and spirits are high. Luckily, I don't let myself sink too far in the lows, and I've re-committed myself, not to finding work, but to finding happiness, whatever that entails.
I have a page from a magazine that I tore out hanging above my desk. It's an advertisement for the Lance Armstrong Foundation. The background is all yellow, and in the center there is a photo of Lance after completing the 2007 New York Marathon (in 2:45 by the way), obviously spent from the effort, gingerly removing his sunglasses and shuffling towards the camera. Under the photo it reads: "Whatever your 100% looks like, give it." It's a nice reminder and motivator of what I value in life, and if I'm going to sit around on my ass all day giving about 7%, then I deserve to be miserable.
Focus. That's the problem. That's been my problem ever since middle school when I had the nice little meeting with all of my teachers, the principal and the guidance counselor after receiving my first ever 'C' in Ms. Huntzinger's English class. I still think it was undeserved, but they had a point. When I get my mind set on something, it happens, no matter what. I just need to figure out what I'm going to set my mind on at the moment, and not let myself get lazy and distracted.
This is going to sound silly, but I registered for the Black Bear Half Ironman triathlon a few weeks ago. It's June 1, about 15 weeks away. I raced in it last year, winning my 20-24 age group in the inaugural event. I want to win it again this year, my last year to race in the younger age group, my last real chance, without sacrificing my entire life, to do well before entering the 25-29 age group with the big boys. But if I really want to win, I need to get off my ass and start training for it. My 'base' fitness is probably better than it was last year at this time, but I've been dogging it lately, exercising just to be able to tick off an hour here and there and get it over with. Granted, I can go out and run 12 miles no problem, but I'm not pushing myself like I used to. If 12 miles is easy, run 15. I used to take this attitude, and I still profess to, but I need to start acting it out, and I will.
I like to write about life a lot. I need to start taking my own advice. How can I sit here and talk about dreams and goals when I'm not pursuing my own 100%? To have any credibility I need to start living the life I write about. I am, to an extent, but I'm being lazy about it. I'm halfway there. I have enormous potential to do great things, and the longer I sit around and wait for good things to happen, the sooner I'll find that time has passed me by and I'll have fallen victim to 'life' like everyone else.
I'm taking the good with the bad. This morning was a down moment for me, and I didn't feel like doing anything except sitting on the couch eating popcorn and watching Kill Bill, which is exactly what I did. I'm glad I can recognize my negative attitudes and force myself out of them. The future is limitless. I'll test the limits. Stay tuned.